Garfunkel and Oates
by glambertcello
Summary: Pepper finds the song "Me, You, and Steve" by Garfunkel and Oates on Tumblr, and she begins to wonder if the song has some accuracy. Could be Stony, but it's her suspicions. I do not own the Avengers, Garfunkel and Oates, their songs, or Tumblr. Oneshot.


Pepper has never understood _why_ she got herself a Tumblr. Maybe out of boredom, and maybe also possibly because she was curious. She knew Tony had one, and he had been _very_ insistent that she avoid the site. So, that's how she decided setting up a Tumblr would be a good idea. Boy was she wrong.

There was _so much_ on there about the Avengers. They had their own pile of fangirls, apparently, who would squeal about all of them and imagine what life would be like if the Avengers all dated each other. It was very weird, and Pepper should've gotten off as soon as she discovered the tags. But, curiosity got the best of her (_never_ a good thing), and she kept the account.

And that's when she found the song.

_The _song.

It had been an accidental discovery, honestly. Sometimes, the people she followed (all Avengers fanatics, just to keep tabs on their craziness and predict any out-of-hand situations) posted music, which was usually pretty good. Sometimes a little more hard-rock than she was interested in, but all good. When an audio post popped up on her dashboard (she should have gotten the clue by the 'Pahahahahahahahaha!' written below the post), she innocently clicked on it, expecting for Black Veil Brides or Tokio Hotel to begin playing.

Instead, this sweet little song started.

_Candlelight and moonlight all around us_

_ I look into your eyes_

_ You hold my hand underneath the table_

_ And I can't disguise the way I feel_

A smile spread on Pepper's face as a night came to mind. In fact, it was kind of like what the song described.

Things had been stressful at Stark Tower lately, especially with all of the Avengers running around. Constantly, Pepper was having to manage some situation that one of Tony's comrades caused (mostly Thor, the next likely culprit being the Hulk), and it had caused dark shadows to form under her eyes. It's not like she _hated_ having the Avengers here; she enjoyed her conversations with Bruce, and Natasha would always be welcome in Stark Tower. But, it felt like she was a babysitter of six very large toddlers.

That's why she had found it a pleasant surprise when Tony invited her to have a candlelit dinner outside in the late-night air. Just the two of them. They'd been talking, flirting… things they hadn't done in a _while_, even though they were still a couple. It had been a very enjoyable evening, and Pepper couldn't help but smile as she thought on it.

_I could've wished a thousand wishes_

_ For this night I can't believe_

_ That it's finally me and you and you and me_

And then, Pepper's brow furrowed. It must have been her mind, trying to erase the bad memory, but she had completely forgotten how the night ended.

Pepper and her genius boyfriend had been just about to kiss. The night had been so romantic, and she wanted to seal it with her love. But, as they leaned in to place their lips together…

"Hey guys!"

_Just us and your friend Steve_

"Oh hey, Steve!" Tony had said, drawing back and leaping from his seat to visit the star-spangled soldier. "What's up?"

As Steve told him about Thor wrecking something and the fact that Natasha and Clint were now dating ("That really wasn't a surprise at all," Steve had said, chuckling to himself at the two assassin's attempts to keep their relationship a secret), Pepper felt herself gritting her teeth. _I was in the middle of a date,_ she thought angrily at the completely oblivious man. _And Tony is totally abandoning me,_ she added in her mind grudgingly as Tony continued to ignore her.

What the _hell?!_

_Do do do do do do Steve_

_ Do do do do do do leave_

_ What's the deal with your friend Steve?_

_ Hey, how's it going?_

Pepper blinked as the song basically described the whole event. She had been so angry, she had practically wiped the disastrous end from her mind. But, as the song continued, she realized that wasn't the end of the similarities.

_You took me out for whoppers and to the movies_

_ I was hoping for romance_

That had in fact happened. A couple weeks after Steve barged into the middle of their date, Tony had told Pepper he was going to take her on a date. "How about we go see an afternoon movie and then get dinner afterwards? Burger King, maybe? I like Burger King." Although Pepper had _wanted_ something more romantic—maybe like going to an elegant party or a fancy restaurant—she agreed, because she would enjoy being with him. And only him. Or so she thought.

But, as she walked out of Stark Tower to meet Tony at his car, she felt herself groan when she recognized the familiar back of a certain someone's head.

"Oh hey, Pepper," Steve said, turning around in his seat to give her a smile. "Tony said you guys were going to see the new _Batman_ movie, and when I asked who Batman was, he invited me to come see it with you guys. I hope that's okay." Tony also turned around, giving her a _Please oh please!_ look.

The look Steve was giving her was hopeful, and she couldn't bear to tell the poor man no, especially with how uncultured he was. Letting out a sigh, she said, "Fine," and climbed into the backseat of Tony's car as he sped off.

_You even took me to the Mexican circus_

_ I thought there was a chance we'd be alone_

Okay, so Tony has never taken her to a Mexican circus. But her longings for aloneness with her boyfriend were very legitimate. Pepper felt herself start to get _really_ irritated as the song continued.

_I could've wished a thousand wishes_

_ For Steve to disappear_

_ What the fuck's your fucking problem?_

_ Why's he always here?_

She had in fact wished he could disappear. Many times. She didn't hate Steve; she just hated that Tony would abandon any plans he had with her to hang out with him.

_ Do do do do do do do Steve_

_ Do do do do do do do go away_

_ What's the deal with your friend Steve?_

_ Hey, how's it going?_

The longer she listened, the more Pepper got a sinking feeling. And it wasn't just because the lyrics were practically the commentary on her most recent dates with Tony.

_ It's not that I don't like your friend_

_ But how many hours with him can you spend?_

_ And it's not that I don't think he's great_

_ But it's only you, only you_

_ I wanna fellate._

That was so very true.

Tony was spending an _unnatural_ amount of time with the super soldier. And it wasn't just on Avengers business. _I mean,_ Pepper thought, _he invites him to come on _our_ dates. And he's always hanging out in the lab with Tony and Bruce… It's not like he knows much about science._ There was something going on.

And, like it had been doing previously, the song answered her.

_Are you gay for Steve, I think you may be_

_ And that would be alright_

_ But let a bitch know just what your steez is_

_ So I know if I should shave tonight_

_ I could've wished a thousand wishes_

_ Cuz I like to be with you_

_ But it's always me and you and your friend Steve_

_ There's nothing I can_…

Pepper didn't even finish the song. Yanking her headphones out, she bellowed, "TONY!" and left her computer to find her doomed boyfriend while the song finished.


End file.
